Date: 2018-02-19 14:23
Hello, I just want some advice,
Hey, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years in May and yes recently I would have to agree that we have been a bit rocky but that doesn 8767 t change the love for him and vice versa. However, a couple instances have happened like he is friendly with this girl at uni (which I don 8767 t have a problem with), but she messaged him to explain that she cheated on her boyfriend, I took offence to that and was confused as to why the girl would message him out of all the other people she could have spoken to. I have realised that I have become a *censored* bit jealous, needy and possessive but have just realised that now that he wants a break. A few days because he broke the news to me, I got upset because he didn 8767 t think to get a photo with me whilst he got one with his sister I overreacted because I guess I wanted him to show that he loved me, but I 8767 m sure he didn 8767 t mean it. Anyway, he began acting weird because of an unrelated issue to us but he reassured that i hadn 8767 t done anything. I went to his house on the Monday (spoke to his mum to see if it was okay) because he had prac all day and I didn 8767 t want to disturb him. It got to about lunch time that day and I just message saying, I hope you are having a good day etc and he said that he is actually on his way home etc and then I explained that I was at his house and he said he was fine about that (I just went there to do my homework before working (near his area) instead of going home. But he said he is actually going to play golf and I was fine about that. I saw him for about 65 mins and he was acting distant and was rushing to play golf. I hadn 8767 t heard from him for the rest of the day and he messaged say 8775 Hey I think I 8767 ve forgotten to tell you but I made plans like 7 weeks ago to go out this Friday, sorry! I just remembered 8776 but he then I was upset by that and then asked how my night was. Then he said that again, I 8767 m upset that I 8767 m going out with my friends. The problem is we don 8767 t see each other much and Friday night is usually our date night. This then turned into a *censored* fight and then leading him to tell me we need to talk. Last Wednesday, he came to my house and we went for a drive. He said that he really cared for and love me, but needed a break. I asked him what he meant and that I think we should work through our problems. But he was not listening and just wanted the break (but I kept saying it won 8767 t fix anything). He said that we are two different people and want didn 8767 t things, I said to give me one more chance but he said he has given me heaps of chances. I tried to tell him that I respect that but we have been through so much together. I said I need a time frame and he said he was unsure about whether he wanted to be with me in the future (but he said he was scared about the future). He said he needs a min of three weeks. I don 8767 t know if he was just in the moment and said these things, but on the Friday before I said I don 8767 t what to lose him and he said that I won 8767 t. I said that I loved him and he returned with I love you too. I don 8767 t know whether I should contact him and explain that I have realised where he was coming from and reflected on that and ask to catch up, or just wait for who knows how long until he is ready ( but run the risk that he won 8767 t want to be with me at the end). I also said let 8767 s raise the issues and work with them, but he didn 8767 t want to work on them (again not sure if he had just made his mind up and was sticking to it). I told him that regardless of who you are with you will always have arguments and it 8767 s normal, but it 8767 s how we overcome them and then he said that I 8767 m not breaking up with you. Should I contact him and tell him I see where he is coming from (week from the event) or is that coming off clingy? But it 8767 s not fair that he has the ball in his court
Candice I couldn 8767 t cheer you on enough you took words right out of my mouth. This is the core of what irritates me so much about dating. I have looked at so many e-books and advice that all says the same thing as this about us women having to hold out ourselves just so we don 8767 t 8775 scare them off. 8776 As I 8767 ve been reading about this 8775 challenging men 8776 and them wanting a chase or making them 8775 earn me 8776 I have become exhausted at the thought. They speak so much about us women 8775 filling our voids 8776 and how it 8767 s too much for a man to fill you up with things. Well, it 8767 s too much for me to have to fill their void of needing a challenge, chase or winning/earning me. I 8767 m not a 8775 thing 8776 to work for, I 8767 m a person. A person with real wants, desires and emotions. I really hate the idea of men or anybody in general just evaluating whether I have any worth or not. I am a human being. The only people I can see thinking they aren 8767 t worth much are people that deceive, screw somebody over and use people. I think they are very low value. But not this nonsense of people thinking you are high value just because so many others want you. I can 8767 t control what other people like. Some people are stupid and don 8767 t like a good thing. Some people don 8767 t even like chocolate. So, it seems like many people have gotten the idea they are some kind of god and that nobody 8775 deserves 8776 them. The fact is, they sh** the same way everybody else does. These people that seem to think they are some kind of god well, they have their own faults just like anybody else and s*** the same as everybody else. A lot of this stuff is what I call 8775 dating politics. 8776 I hate it even more than office politics. So, the people that like and want a person because everybody else does don 8767 t they have an opinion of their own? Who cares if everybody else likes them do YOU like them? I just wish the people that practiced the attitude that a person is high value because everybody else wants them would have a backbone and have an opinion of their own. I decide if I like a man and I know what I like. Yes, I agree with Candice 6555% about EVERYTHING Candice posted. It is very fulfilling and even exhausting to have to entertain men. It is very unnatural to be half in it so that the man can chase us and we don 8767 t scare them away. I agree, it is about how to catch a young boy hahaha!! We seem to have to win them more than they supposedly win us.
Thats the great article I have read so far. First of all thank you for sharing this.
Well, my scenario is quite complicated. There was my ex who broke up with me in 7 months because we were studing in different cities and moreover I wasnt much romantic and flirter with him, more into study and fun. That broke up has a long effect on me that i never able to overcome from him till now, its been 6 years almost. We are still in touch with each other since our break-up. He told me, he went through guilt for an year of hurting my sentiments but never told me the reason exactly. Anyway, after that broke up, in my class, I made a best friend who was guy, we were best buddies, and my ex used to visit me whenever he come to home (which is in my city where I study). He made efforts to came and meet me up. I used to meet him, then I went to aborad for my exchange studies, there I got to know my best friend was getting married. I got devasted by that news, bcz he was the only friend who was close to my heart. I called my ex to ask him out for marriage, which he denied it completely, but always flirty over phone, share his guitar and listening to music with me. I got frustrated bcz there I wasnt able to move on in my life bcz of this ex who is somewhere on my head and heart everytime. Finally, I asked my best friend to marry me. He told me to come back from exchange program to marry him, which I denied it bcz I cant marry in the middle of my studies, I told him, i started looking him as a potential mate and lets get settle first and then think about marry. Anyone, that plan didnt work, when I came back to my country after an year, this ex showing interest in me, but I thought of moving out specially when I am seeing my best friend going away from my life who was closed to my heart more than anyone else. There my friend got engaged with some girl, I went through massive emotional turmoil of my friend leaving me, then this ex came and had physical intimacy twice with me (no sex, only a *censored* make out). I was emotionally not stable at that time, bcz I was broken with my friend engagement with whom I wanna marry to. This best friend of mine later called me from the city he lived in which is another city than I live in. This friend cried over phone that he made a mistake of choosing that girl who his parents choosed for him. I became emotionally senisitive towards him, went to his city to meet him. There i told my friend who knew my ex (my ex also knew about my friend) about the make out session happened between me and ex bcz of emotional turmoil of his marriage news. this friend made out (no sex god blessing that I didnt fell into the trap) also with me, and then later unable to stop his marriage. I was going through massive emotional rollar coster ride, there i connect with my ex again and told him how I am thinking to get marry to my friend bcz u r not serious for me. This ex after listening to this, again made out with me, and I wasnt able to stop him, as if my mind became numb or something. I was going through so much emotions that I was unable to stop anyone.